Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Shaken to the core.

I really don't even know how to begin this. I had to watch my youngest brother be taken away to and Ohio rehab center last night. As I hugged him bye and walked past the EMT's that were to drive him the 900 miles from Oklahoma to Ohio they assured me that they would take "good" care of him. Taking him to the unknown. Not knowing if once he gets there those people will also take good care of him. All I can say for sure is that I know that he is in God's hands. I am not a religious person, but I want to believe that he will be taken care of. I need to believe that.

Some History about him. He is not going to rehab for drugs or any other "normal" rehab situation that we are all familiar with. He is going to rehab because he has become so obese that he can no longer stand and walk on his own. His kidneys failed and he needs daily dialysis. Troy was always heavy. He was a cute chubby baby and and adorable chubby toddler and so on and so on. He was doomed to be fat because my mother fed him all day long. You can't blame her because for probably the first time in her adult life she didn't have to worry about putting food on the table so she fed him very well. Over the years the food became first and foremost in his life. So there is a brief History.

You might be asking why if he lived in Oklahoma is he headed to Ohio? Well that is where I am torn and probably why I am not sleeping tonight. I am a Republican and also the type of person that believes you take care of yours and your own and you work to do it and life will be good. Troy did that, he worked every day as a self employed shoe repairman. It wasn't a career that made him wealthy, but it certainly was a living for him. He was taking care of himself with little left over for anything, especially insurance. So, in a word he brought this upon himself. This is all his fault. He didn't take care of himself, so why should the State of Oklahoma.

Things kind of spiraled out of control after my mom died five years ago. I can certainly understand why they did. They were there for each other and all of a sudden she wasn't. She basically took care of everything else and he worked. When she was gone NOTHING got taken care of. He didn't do his taxes for the past five years which is why the State of Oklahoma would not step in and help. His fault, yep. Doesn't make it any easier though. So, why his Medicare case is pending there is not one facility in Oklahoma willing to take him. He has to have Dialysis and the hospitals cannot afford to keep him there. His bill so far is over 100,000.00 for just the past 30 days.

Step in the state of Ohio and the nursing/rehab center willing to take him with a pending Medicare case. All I know about them is that there are currently 2 other patients from Oklahoma there in the same boat. I pray that they are good to him because he is 900 miles away and I cannot just jump in my car and drive up to make sure everything is ok. I know all of this is his fault, but he is my brother and even though every fiber in my being knows that it is his fault and I would not have the same sympathy for others it is breaking my heart to know that he is once again all alone or should I say "still" alone.

I hope that this facility lives up to what they put out there. They are a weight loss center as well. So, he will continue losing weight and hopefully regain muscle so that he can stand again and walk on his own. Just over the past 30 days the hospital took off over 100 liters of fluid through dialysis fom his body which adds up to 200 pounds. My hope is that the facility continues following the regiment that the hospital set for him. I was assured that they would, but once again who knows. I do know that he will have dialysis 3 times a week. For the past three weeks he has had it daily because he had so much built up fluid.

As for the State of Oklahoma. I would move away from here in a New York second if my husband would. I have a big problem with a State that will not take care of their own. Again, I know it is his fault, but I see people on a DAILY basis abusing the system. He truly needs "the system" and they basically legally "dumped" him. I will certainly NEVER talk good about this State to anyone EVER again. I am ashamed that I was even born here and even more ashamed to live here. I am a little bitter right now. I may or may not ever get over it. All I do know for sure is that I want Troy back here safe and sound. I told my husband last night that if he was offered a job away from here to take it.

Anyway I hope this makes sense because I am not going back over and proofing it because quite frankly I can't take reading it right now. Maybe at a later date when the pain is not so raw I will, but for now I just want to let someone (ha ha, I know this does not get read!) know how I feel in the moment. I also hope and pray that there is a God and if there is that he is watching over my baby brother this very moment as he embarks on a new chapter in his life.

PS OKLAHOMA SUCKS (tell all of your friends)