Five years ago today......

Five years or 1824 days ago my mother passed away. I really dread this day every year. I get in this funk and it seems like I am there for a few weeks. I am still mad as hell that she went and died on me and I still miss her like crazy. I was her only daughter. She was the bes mom a daughter could have ever asked for. I could always count on her, I always knew that she was on my side. We used to talk almost every single day. I would think about calling her, and the phone would ring and it would be her or vice versa. We just had that type of connection. We fought too. We would just agree to disagree. Now I feel like I am all alone. I know I have my own family, but she gave me a sense of belonging and I lost that when I lost her. I don't know if I will ever get that back. I wonder if other people feel that way after losing their parents. I hope not because it is such a lonely feeling. It is not with you all the time it just kind of pops up every now and then and slaps you in the face then disappears again. I tend to really feel it around the anniversary of her death or her Birthday. I still cannot believe it has been 5 years. I have only had a few dreams about her. One of my friends said that is a good thing because that means she is at peace. My friend is a Hindu. I hope she is right, because she so deserves to be at peace. I hope she is up there floating around on a fluffy white cloud munching on her favorite chip Lays classic and sipping a glass of iced tea. I love you mom :)